Thursday, September 3, 2009

Another excerpt for deletion

I actually forgot I wrote this scene--I had a plan but it got away from me and Akalena never appears again in the story. When I began rereading it, I was all "What the...oh, yeah. This." and had to cut the whole scene. This is why it takes me so long to finish anything.


The breakfast special was a McMuffin derivative. Kate cut the egg rectangles out of the cookie sheets of egg baked the night before and folded them onto the muffin bottoms. A gorgeous Ukrainian girl, Akalena, was picking out the right slice or slices of peameal bacon for each sandwich, adding up to 2 ounces. She was so blindingly blond and silent, her clothing so wildly incorrect—high-waisted belted jeans and tucked in sleeveless blouses—that Kate and Sarah had assumed her fresh from immigration and bereft of language. But then it turned out later that Akalena had lived in Etobicoke all her life and her mom too, and she went to Martingrove and she just considered “ugly boring girls” like Sarah and Kate not worth talking to. Akalena put the bacon pieces on the egg slab, before Sarah slapped on the cheese and muffintop, and wrapped the whole disgusting mess in Saran.

Through and through and through

1 comment:

AMT said...

she went to martingrove, did she...