What we talk about when we talk about nothing

D: Aspertame isn't really bad for you, you know. That's a myth.

Me: Whew!

A: So how come I get a headache every time I have it?

D: It might be bad for you personally. Some people are allergic to aspertame, but some people are allergic to trees and grass, and I'm unwilling to accept that those are objectively bad things.

J: I'm not so crazy about grass, actually.

Me: I love hearing about what you hate! How can you hate grass?

J: It's all poky! And full of bugs.

Me: I sat on some nice grass this weekend. It was sort of dying, so it was all limp and soft.

A: Dead grass is the most poky. It's like straw.

Me: Dying, not dead. It had just gone limp, but it hadn't dried out yet.

D: It was losing turgor pressure.

Me: Exactly.

J: So that's the secret--almost dead grass. Huh.

I can't believe what they're saying / I can change my mind
RR